selfie from the park that one time, fiercely squinting right into the direct sunlight and kind of looking like i belong on myspace circa 2005. welp. i’d also just like to point out that i made a very sad attempt at quick make-up on this day which included mostly lipstick and mascara, both of which are profoundly fucked up, smeared and sloppy and missing little spaces.
that said, i really like this picture because i see my own (dead) mother in it. because i think about her everyday now, holding me when i was just an infant myself, feeding me and burping me and changing me and dressing me and soothing me to sleep. there’s so much i wish i could ask her.
but i guess it’s enough that sometimes she appears in my brows, in the slope of my nose, in my shapes and lines and angles. i see her in elon, too. i see her in sunsets and on highways, in the full air just before rain.
Newsflash: Real humans are connected with one another whether they like it or not. They are awkward and dumb and wave their arms around if they get upset enough; real humans all have personal touchstones that are “off the map” because there is no map. We are so maplessly, ridiculously uncool that whole cultures and subcultures, whole personalities even, have been built to hide our ridiculousness from ourselves.
Mary Gaitskill on why judge people for being uncool – an incredibly thoughtful excerpt from the book Let’s Talk About Love: Why Other People Have Such Bad Taste.
Also see Gaitskill on the 6 motives of creativity.
I am writing with my burnt hand about the nature of fire.Ingeborg Bachmann (via mythologyofblue)
parenthood has already forced me to do so many things i never would have thought i could have. all the hard nights followed by exhausting days, singing lullabies through panic attacks. all the physical endurance. all the bodily fluids. love is powerful.
plot twist: scott is shaping up to be a pretty decent father. the top photo is from our family trip to the park last month c/o the trusty old nikon. and i’m not exactly sure when i snapped the bottom two, but i definitely took them with my phone in a walgreens parking lot at some point. what…is even going on?!
this…really kind of makes things harder for me in a variety of ways. whatever the future holds though, i’m (mostly) glad elon is enjoying this bond now. it’s a strong one. it really is. i just hope it can stay this way.
(more photo spam coming soon. you have been warned.)
- Sext: let's go to bed early tonight and get plenty of rest.